Don’t Let Them Control You

*Note: I am not trying to make my ex sound like some horrible person, I am trying to make this as accurate as possible by not exaggerating anything. I understand that we both made mistakes, but this is my stance as of now. Once again, my ex is NOT a horrible person, he is just still growing like any of us are*

So, what happened with my boyfriend? Without going into much detail, we didn’t deal with problems the same way. We leaped into a relationship with two different ideas of what should come out of it. At the time, I did not notice how much intimacy he needed, I also could not recognize the signs that he was pushing me to a point I didn’t want to get to. For the record, I am not an intimate person. Not that I don’t like intimacy, but intimacy is just low on my list of priorities in a relationship. I don’t like my relationship to be built upon it. In my mind, when I told my ex how I felt, he was understanding, but looking back, he did not seem to put in an effort to make me comfortable. Every time we were together, he wanted it again and again and again. I stopped saying something, because I didn’t want to disappoint him. I believed that this was the only was he would know how I felt. That was my mistake.

Don’t EVER feel like you have to change your beliefs or what you are comfortable with for someone. If they are pushing you to your boundaries, that is not love. It can quickly turn into sexual abuse (there are exceptions, but this still can) Sexual abuse is defined (in simple terms) as “usually undesired sexual behavior by one person upon another”. If you aren’t wanted it, then it isn’t love, it is becoming abuse. I did not see this until I finally broke off the relationship. I couldn’t see him lusting instead of loving. I blamed myself for so long. I felt that I didn’t give him enough, but that isn’t what happened. I tried to stay within my comfort zone and that is what he didn’t like. That is not my fault. If someone is ever pushing you past your limits, you are not the one in the wrong. I wish I had figured it out sooner, but this is for some people who may be in the same situation.

All in all, if you are or were in a relationship pushing you to a point that you don{t want to go, it may not be healthy.  The hardest part, for me, was having to break up with someone I still loved. Even worse to have him not show any emotion as he said “okay” and rolled up his car window. I am here, you can always email me. Don’t let those around you control your decisions or how you feel. Don’t let them make you feel lesser than you are because of who you are. I know it’s hard, but stay strong!

~Charlie Pond~

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