Depression doesn’t always look like depression

I have depression, but I work two jobs that require me to leave my house on a daily business.

I have depression, but I am a full time college student with a 3.5 GPA.

I have depression, but I am usually out of my house rather than cooped up in my room.

I have depression, but I smile, laugh and have been told that I’m the happiest person that some people know.

I have depression, but I don’t look like I have depression.

When most people think of someone who has depression, they think of someone who is constantly skipping out on work due to lack of motivation. They may think of someone who is in bed at all hours of the day, because depression hinders them from leaving the house. And although many people who have depression have these problems, that just isn’t me.

I have high functioning depression. Depression rules my life, just not in ways that shine through everyday. Monday through Thursday I am working and attending class from 9-8. I have only skipped class or work maybe once or twice because of depression. So I don’t spend everyday in bed, but my depression still rules my life just in other ways.

Here is a list of ways that depression may be affecting someone’s life that isn’t always as obvious.

  • Some days I eat way too much all day, but other days nothing sounds good and I will go a whole day without eating enough.
  • I can get 12-14 hours of sleep, but still be exhausted throughout the day when I’m not even doing anything tiring.
  • I’m laughing at something that isn’t that funny for too long because my body is trying to make believe I’m happy
  • I’m super critical of not just myself, but everyone around me. No one can ever live up to the standards that I don’t even realize I have.
  • I have constant mood swings that are triggered by something that seems minuscule, like not finding a parking spot.
  • I have gone a week or more without showering, but I use the excuse that I’m too lazy.
  • I have an issue with things being perfect, but my room is a mess. I want my desk to look perfectly organized even though my floor is scattered with clothes

Those are some of the things that my depression causes me to do, but below are some sign that you can look for in others. Keep in mind that these don’t always mean someone is depressed, but it can be a sign of it.

  • When doing something that usually brings someone joy, they seem like they are trying to force happiness.
  • Constantly saying they are tired, when you know they have gotten a good amount of sleep.
  • Not wanting to eat when they haven’t eaten anything all day
  • Saying subtle comments about messing up on something that may not be a big deal.
  • Overworking themselves and not ever wanting to take a break.
  • Fighting with their S.O. over everything but then apologizing every day (usually by saying that everything is their fault).
  • Constant procrastination, characterized by lack of motivation
  • Days without showering or proper hygiene.
  • Texting while driving, smoking, or other dangerous things on purpose because they know it is dangerous.
  • Pushing people away on purpose, because they don’t want other people to suffer because of their depression

That is just a few of the things that I struggle with and I notice that others do. If you have any others feel free to add them in the comments.

~Charlie Pond~


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